Welcome to our blog. We post irregularly about topics tangentially related to our non-existent product. SEO optimized for keywords nobody searches for. Content is king. This content is a jester.
A harrowing tale of how we spent $400K splitting a CRUD app into 47 services that talk to each other via carrier pigeon. The migration was seamless because there were no users to migrate.
Read nobody's thoughts →An honest technical deep dive into our "AI-native" engine. Spoiler: it's if/else statements. But we wrapped them in a Docker container and called it "model inference." Investors loved it.
Read the lies →Remote work is the future. We should know \u2014 we've been remote-first since day one, mostly because we can't afford an office. Dave works from his couch. The 8-Ball works from Dave's desk. It's a hybrid setup.
Read the irony →We migrated to Kubernetes because someone on Twitter said it was best practice. 3 weeks later, we had 6 clusters, 0 running pods, and a $12,000 AWS bill. We went back to a single EC2 instance. It's t2.micro. Dave is the autoscaler.
Read the suffering →We're thrilled to announce our Series E round of $47, led by Dave's mom, Barbara. Barbara is our second-largest customer and our only investor. She will be joining the board as Independent Director, which is fitting because she independently decided to give us money.
Read the grift →We rewrote our entire backend in Rust because a blog post said it was fast. It was fast. Nobody on the team knew Rust. After 3 weeks of fighting the borrow checker, we rewrote it back in Node.js. The blog post didn't mention that part.
Read the lessons →